Have Your Say: How Does It Happen?

HDIH, the devoted partner of a Universal Medicine student tells of his struggle to support the choices of the love of his life, keep his family together and maintain his own wellbeing. In so doing, he, like many contributors here, overturns the popular SergeProp claim that all who question or challenge the benefits of Universal Medicine are bullying, abusive, empty and ‘loveless’.

I’ve been with my partner for quite a few years now. We’ve enjoyed a great, but unextraordinary relationship, until a couple of years ago. My partner went through some stuff that hurt her psychologically. With counseling she started to show signs of improvement. She started seeking alternative methods of improving her health and they seemed pretty positive. Her mother gave her some ideas on what kinds of things to try. 

I first started to hear the word ‘esoteric’ after maybe a year. I didn’t take too much notice. Gluten and dairy became a no-no, but were more discouraged than completely cut out. Maybe close to a year ago her family started talking a lot about a woman they had started to see who could read auras and heal and all kinds of amazing stuff. So my partner started going and getting healing, chakra puncture and loads of advice and funny ideas. I first started to notice things were a bit funny when all you’d hear from my partner and her family was the advice that this woman was giving her. Every life decision that came up, they’d immediately say “I’ll have to ask ……”
 
While I didn’t think any of the ideas or advice coming from this woman was harmful (in fact most of it seemed quite appealing as a nice way to live one’s life), I did think and say that it can’t be good when one person has so much control over anyone’s life, let alone a whole family’s. I eventually went and saw her with a completely open mind. After all, I don’t have the answers to the universe, how can I say that this person doesn’t? I came away not feeling healed, but also not immediately thinking it was hogwash. I found her to be very easy to talk to and also very perceptive. I was doubting the whole “nobody can see auras” idea, and thought she did have some ability, but I was pretty content to sit on the fence. I worked out more recently after reading this thread that she had cold-read me and nothing more. Knowing that, I realise that she wasn’t actually all that great at it, but for someone searching for answers she must seem amazing.
 
I should point out that in this time, my partner and I had a baby, who is the most amazing thing in the world. I don’t know if it makes things harder having a child to consider, or easier. At least it renders a few of the hard decisions moot. If that makes any sense.
 
Anyway, a few months ago things came to a head a bit and I decided to look into what all this stuff was about. I had only really recently heard of Serge (there was no mention of a leader or any kind of figure head for the vast majority of the indoctrination. If there had been I’m sure alarm bells would have been ringing in my head much sooner) and Universal Medicine. I noticed his name on all of the supplements and creams, the same surname on music etc.
 
I searched Universal Medicine in Google and the first suggested search was “Universal Medicine cult”. My whole world came crashing down as I did more research and found out what had happened right under my nose. I found the thread on the Rick Ross forum and have read it religiously for months now and I thank everyone contributing for all of the invaluable information. I have had a lot of help, both professional and informal. I now have a really good understanding of how and why people get involved in these things. And especially how and why my partner has.
 
That’s where I’m at right now. Things are pretty farcical from an outsider’s point of view when they see the way we live our lives. I have restrictions on what I can and can’t do. I won’t go into any detail about what they are, but there are some fundamental rights as a grown, Australian man that I no longer have in my house. People might judge me (and certainly judge her) for putting up with it all. The fact of the matter is that I love my partner, and living without her and my child isn’t an option. Not to mention the fact that my child needs a parent who isn’t under the control of all of this nonsense to be there for them.
 
As far as my perspective on the whole scenario goes, I have to accept a fair bit of responsibility for where she is now. I perhaps didn’t always make her feel safe and secure as I was dealing with my own stuff over the last few years. When I found out about it I reacted not-so-well and only pushed her further into it. I still think I haven’t quite got it figured out yet, because I see some of the things I do or say drive her deeper into it.
 
I do know this though, trying to convince someone that none of this crap is real when they truly believe in it, is fundamentally flawed. I think the hardest thing I’ve had to come to grips with is that while we here all know that it is crap, you are actually wrong to say that to them. Reality is subjective. Yes the sky is blue and water is wet, but for most of the things in the world you cannot tell someone that their point of view isn’t reality. They believe it, therefore it is real (to them). Telling them it is not real actually makes you wrong. To fully understand that was mind blowing for me. It also makes it extremely hard if you hold out any hope of ever rescuing someone from it. I have been led to believe that you can never actually save anyone in a cult, so you just do your best to accept them for who they are and hope that one day they’ll see it all for what it really is. Of course then your job is to be there for them when their world comes crashing down.
 
Hopefully someone might find something useful in my post. I fully realize that I don’t have it figured out, these are just some observations from my point of view.
This post was originally published in August on the Rick Ross Cult Education Forum on Universal Medicine.
Another contributor there wrote an excellent post on how he communicated with his brother, a UM student, who has since left the cult. The page includes a valuable and heartfelt discussion from several contributors on the experience of partners and spouses. Again, their efforts to maintain or redeem their relationships utterly dispels any characterisation of those with misgivings about UM as ‘bullying’ and ‘loveless’.
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7 thoughts on “Have Your Say: How Does It Happen?

  1. Hi. Been reading for a while. Ditto to above. My wife is involved. Heavily. Hanging on for the sake of our boy. Its like living with someone else who isnt nice. Hate it. thanks for all the work here. Hope this and media wake her and others up and slow this monster down.

  2. For starters, thanks to Venus for reproducing this post. I feel like I need to do whatever I can to help in bringing UM to account, but lack the freedom to do much that is useful. I suggested using this post because I believe as many contributions as possible to the 'Have your say' section can help people affected by UM cope with their situation. If you are like me and want to help but feel limited in your ability to do so, something like this might help someone.

  3. Thanks for letting us use it, and thanks also for going to the trouble, since I know that you have very little time for private computer use. That's another of thousands of points that make SergeProp's whingeing about free speech utterly laughable. We have people sneaking around in their own homes, walking on eggshells constantly. It's hardly relaxing is it? Hardly loving. Yet, you'll do it out of love for who your partner (or wife as above) was, and for the sake of family cohesion. Yes, the Have Your Say posts are vital. I mean it's okay for me to mince around the bunker shouting expletives and firing off cranky missives, but the bunker is a free speech, free movement and free love zone. In fact, I wish the Lords of Form would tone down the freedom of expression sometimes – especially when it's more raucous than my swearing.But seriously, it's essential the public is aware how people are affected by this bizarre pestilence, and for people in similar situations to know they aren't alone. Your voices do make a difference. Thx xx

  4. "As far as my perspective on the whole scenario goes, I have to accept a fair bit of responsibility for where she is now. I perhaps didn't always make her feel safe and secure as I was dealing with my own stuff over the last few years. When I found out about it I reacted not-so-well and only pushed her further into it. I still think I haven't quite got it figured out yet, because I see some of the things I do or say drive her deeper into it."Or do they? I think it's a mark of real maturity to be able to examine your role in the situation, and to take responsibility. However, was there a more appropriate way to react? And if there was, would it have made a difference? Was she going to go deeper into it anyway? No matter what you did?Those are rhetorical questions for all in a similar situation HDIH. Don't feel compelled to answer here. I recommend professional marital or relationship counselling for couples in these situations, and shop around for a good counsellor/registered psychologist. Interview them first. Make sure they have no affiliations with UM for a start, and no New Age bullshit ideas. A seasoned professional with some understanding of cult dynamics is ideal. Or one that has dealt with partners with addictions. Tell them your situation in advance and ask if they've dealt with similar. I've said it before, if UM was truly a healing organization, you might never have needed to tie yourself in knots this way. A proper counsellor will work on reminding you both of the common interests you share, and the things which attracted you to each other in the first place. They'll use that as a basis upon which to build a bridge and rebuild the relationship. In other words building on both your positive attributes, and once that basis is re-established, working on communicating and negotiating compromise on your points of difference. UM only seeks to divide. "I do know this though, trying to convince someone that none of this crap is real when they truly believe in it, is fundamentally flawed. I think the hardest thing I've had to come to grips with is that while we here all know that it is crap, you are actually wrong to say that to them. Reality is subjective. Yes the sky is blue and water is wet, but for most of the things in the world you cannot tell someone that their point of view isn't reality. They believe it, therefore it is real (to them). Telling them it is not real actually makes you wrong."Another great and useful point HDIH. It IS real for them. Everyone outside of UM is wrong. However there are some questions you might give to students to ask themselves, and I hope to get them up in an expanded form in a post soon. Am I happy? Am I doing what I really want to do? Am I trying to suppress doubts or questions about what I'm doing? Am I in touch with what I'm thinking and feeling, and, more importantly, do I feel that it is OK to have those thoughts and feelings? Am I having good relationships with my family and friends? Do I really feel that this is the right thing for me, regardless of what anyone else says? I copied those questions from an ex-premie site http://ex-premie.org/pages/quests.htm , where ex members of an Eastern meditation cult with a narcisstic millionaire guru (Maharaji) appeal to current followers. So rather than challenging the student's reality, it might be more helpful to ask how it's working for them. I will expand on those and make them more specific to UM soon. Hope all is ok.

  5. Finally there is someone else out there who can verify that this behaviour is not normal
    And to think my loving partner has tried to make me think there is something wrong with me.
    I try to drop hints to point out the illogicality in many of the things serge says are good or bad.
    Book for fucks sake if they have any knowledge in them are unwelcome inside the house their energy is too heavy.
    Not being able to do normal day to day things because they are unloving
    A complete turning off of any love making and no having sex allowed its pranic
    Very happy to squander money on uni med stuff but no luxuries for you not even the odd book.
    I feel your pain not energetically but mentally.
    It’s physically draining

    • Hello Anonymous, I have many many readers who understand exactly what you’re experiencing and how you are feeling. Unfortunately this scenario is playing out in households around the world. This blog no longer gets much traffic – you may get some responses here, but you are very welcome to join the very recent discussions over at Universal Medicine Exposed. http://factsaboutuniversalmedicine.wordpress.com/ Best wishes to you and take care of yourself.

    • Hi Anon, you are not alone, and I suspect one of a lot more than we are still aware. I learned recently there are at least two more families rent apart by UM within 2 km’s of myself. As far as I know to date these domestic disasters number more than 100. But we’ve good reason to believe that there’s a busted up family for every member in the group. Even in the case where both partners fall victim to Serge’s nonsense, breakups are common. They then call it reprinting.

      Meanwhile, Serge Benhayons new claim is that he is the paragon of integrity in the ‘new age’. Integrity apparently has hundreds of broken families behind it, to name but one of his many sins.

      The cult follows a usual indoctrination process which involves the rejection of critical thinking and a narrowing of emotional states. This creates a dependence on Serge and the group for direction. Nuanced reasoning is replace by black and white thinking, us and them, good and evil.

      As far as they are concerned, there is something wrong with you. You don’t share their thinking. It’s a lot like an invasion of the body snatchers. Their view of the world is right and you are lost.

      A (proper) psychologist told me that it’s a little like being a (heroin) junky. Their emotional range is much narrower, so they are less able to empathise or even care to and will do anything for their next fix including lying and cheating- things they would have formerly reviled and now accept as a means to a necessary end. The fact is, they feel good- no longer feeling absolute highs and lows- and they don’t have to take responsibility for their actions.

      The group will defend their errant beliefs with any number of lies, stories, justifications, rejection of facts and attacks on those they perceive are challenging them. Collectively, they are a crazed mob egging each other on to do something worse.

      Serge encourages members to prove their loyalty to him by having them malign former partners and friends. No doubt he does this very cleverly using all the power he has a lifelong confidence man. He’s a real charmer and, they say, the paragon of integrity.

      If we could somehow marshal people affected by Serge Benhayons lies and scams, we could fill the Lennox Head Sports centre and then some, so you are well and truly not alone.

      Some people can let it go and move on, some can’t. If you need an ear, you will work out how to track down someone to talk with. Follow Esther’s suggestions.

      Take care.

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